Blessings, I am Doctor Max Paddy : Internet doctor extraordinaire. I am pictured here with my close colleague, the subdued Dr. Leslie- seen here on my right. We are both avid readers of Dr. Marclowe's work. Be sure to read the article(s) below which are the result of hardcore research...

ARTICLE I

Addiction to Archaeology

Reported cases of archaeological addiction are on the increase. The addiction can prove to be potentially fatal if it goes unnoticed.

The affliction is usually triggered by finding an artefact loosely buried in the ground. An overwhelming urge to unearth historic artefacts immediately grips the sufferer. As they excavate further and further into the ground, obsessively lusting for buried treasure, the hole eventually collapses into itself, leaving the victim packed deep under tonnes of deadly mud. Thankfully, most of the time, their excavation is so insanely shoddy that the trench collapses before the addict has reached a hazardous depth - so they are rarely buried higher than their waist. Sometimes they haven’t even dug past the topsoil, and the pit simply just falls down around their ankles.

Nevertheless, archaeology-junkies have the potential to cause themselves serious harm. As yet, there are no known remedies to this condition, but there are two effective precautionary procedures. If you are concerned about a friend or a loved one, or the friend of a loved one, you are advised to employ these preventative measures. You can install a large steel basin buried about 8 inches under the lawn. An alternative, less expensive method, but more time consuming, is to purchase a titanium spraygun filled with molten aluminium. Each day, inconspicuously douse the lawn with a thin wash of aluminium. Continue doing this for three months until you have a strong silvery mesh moulded to the texture of the lawn. You may wish to bolt the mesh to the ground for added stability.